Category Archives: Science

Ground-breaking new study shows fast food slows you down

In a new study concluded this evening, Brian T. Johnson found that eating large amounts of fast food, drinking multiple energy drinks and getting little to no sleep slows the body down and generally makes one feel miserable.

Additionally, the study – in which Johnson served as both scientist and subject – found that ingesting Buffalo Wild Wings mere hours before playing midnight indoor soccer also contributed to poor physical performance and supreme sluggishness.

While the study results are clear, what’s unclear is why Johnson felt the need to challenge conventional wisdom for the sole purpose of documenting its validity in the form of personal experience.

Nevertheless, the empirical lesson learned is one he hopes to quickly capitalize on in the days and weeks ahead, by eating healthier and incorporating at least a semi-normal sleep routine. This as I post at 1:15 a.m…

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